


Season 27, Episode 16 “Claire-ity”

by orphan_account



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Coda, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Family Fluff, Gen, Popcorn, Soap Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 00:01:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10605063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Coda to S2E17, "Junklantis". While Donnie and Mikey have a real adventure, Leo and Raph watch soaps with Master Splinter.





	

“Well...” Leo said, watching the submarine sink lower and lower into the water, slowly submerging until even the headlights had disappeared from view. Raph stood, scratching his elbow, waiting, but his bro seemed content to loiter. Whatever. Not like he’d wanted to go for a dip today, _anyway_. Raphael turned, only to stop abruptly, his shell a hair from Master Splinter’s nose.

  
“And what are your plans today, my sons?” He asked, his voice deceptively soft. Raph shifted back awkwardly, eyes darting to the left, hoping that Fearless was seeing this. He wasn’t.

  
“Uh, maybe work out-train, I mean. You know how important training is to us-uh...ninjas-”

  
“All bodies require rest.” Splinter intoned, and Raph tried not to grimace. Yeesh. He took a short step back, and shit, this was a lost fucking battle if he was giving ground already.

  
“Yeah, bodies sure-but shells-” He started weakly, but Splinter was already smiling, a small twitch of greying whiskers.

  
“Huh?” Leo said, from behind him.

  
“Oh!” Master Splinter said, raising one finger suddenly, as if he hadn’t already had this all planned out. “I have an idea! And they are just about to begin!”

  
:

  
“So...who is she?”

  
“That, my son, is Claire. Stephanie’s daughter. Poor Stephanie.”

  
“Why, what’s wrong with her?” Raph stuffed another handful of popcorn in his mouth. The old rat had even stolen the middle seat. “She gonna die or somethin’?”

  
“No, no I hope not. She is just a very unfortunate woman.”

  
“How, sensei?”

  
Master Splinter glanced over at Leonardo giving him a small smile. Raph checked his phone.

  
“Watch, my son, and all will be revealed.” He paused, hands still resting, crossed over the worn knob of his stick. “Well, if it does not go to commercial first.”

  
“Yeah, that’d be a real tragedy.” Raph muttered. Claire seemed to be spending a lot of time talking, while all alone in a high-rise. She was cute though. He’d do her.

  
“Who’s he?”

  
“Grant Sinclair, Claire’s husband.” Splinter said his name with hushed respect, and Raph glanced over to see his gleaming black eyes fixed raptly on the screen. At least he knew where Mikey got this shit from. “He is a very powerful man. Well, two very powerful men.”

  
“Two?” Leo said, and Raph snorted.

  
“Yeah, can’t ya tell?”

  
“He recently underwent brain surgery.” Splinter said, watching as Claire brightened and embraced him, er-them? eagerly.

  
“In order to save him, his brother, who had slipped into a coma a year earlier, from a tragic car accident, visited him in a vision to tell him he should take the best of his mind, to save himself.”

  
Leo sat stock still, Raph assumed, trying to absorb that.

  
“Convenient.” Raph said loudly. “Let me tell ya, Leo, if I go into a coma, I still want my head where it belongs.”

  
“Up your ass?” Leo shot back. “I’ll let Donnie know.”

  
“ _Yame!_ ” Splinter said. “I can hear nothing.”

  
Leo shifted. Raph coughed.

  
Raph passed Leo the popcorn, while Grant and Claire verbally re-affirmed their love.

  
“Didn’t his brother feel, I don’t know, weird about now being-sort of-uh, married to his sister-in-law?”

  
“I’d do her.” Raphael leered, and Leo rolled his eyes, choosing to shove a handful of popcorn into his mouth than comment.

  
“Well, they were formally rivals for her love-”

 

“That’s messed up!” Raph interjected. “I knew that ‘vision’ was crap. He just wanted to fu-”

  
“Shhhh!” Splinter said, and he pulled a handful from the bowl without taking his eyes off the screen. Small flecks of puffed corn clung to his frizzy whiskers. “I have a bad feeling-”

  
Claire had turned away from him, and when she turned back, his eyes were glistening with unshed tears, delicately painted mouth twisted in distress.

  
Or gut cramps.

  
Could go either way really.

  
_“You know I’m not ready!”_ She said, and lashed out with a fist that bounced harmlessly off Sinclair’s chest. _“Don’t push me, Grant!”_

  
“Shoulda gone for his eyes.” Raph said succinctly.

  
“Should have gone for his shins.” Leo said.

“She loves him.” Splinter murmured. “She would never hurt Grant.”

  
Leo turned his head slowly, incredulity obvious even with his eyes still masked, but Splinter wasn’t paying him any attention. Raph decided to follow his example. Right after he stole that popcorn back.

  
_“When will you be ready, Claire? I’ve waited-”_ He turned from her, one forearm braced against the glass window, head resting on his wrist. _“I’ve waited so long for you, Claire...”_

  
She caught her breath in a sob, and Raph had to give it to her, she was good. Better at hamming than Mikey when he needed a favor.

  
_“I know, Robert-”_ She said, and then seemed to choke.

  
“I thought his name was-”

  
“Yeah!”

  
_“He’s dead, Claire!”_ The man roared, whirling and grabbing her shoulders. _“He’s dead, and I’m here.”_

  
Her eyes seemed to shine maniacally spot lit by the studio lights out of scene.

  
_“It’s okay, Robert.”_ She whispered, and she even sounded crazy. A little like Karai, really. _“I know you’re in there.”_

  
The shot faded to black, and then cut to a commercial for pizza, which reminded Raph of how long he’d been sitting here, making a dent in the couch with his shell. And that he was sorta hungry.

  
“Huh, well, that was fun, body nice and rested now. Better go back to that ninja thing-”

  
Splinter’s stick thwapped his shins as he started to stand, forcing him back into his seat with a grumble.

  
A dental ad.

  
A campaign ad.

  
A chinese food ad, and seriously, he was starving now. Maybe Mikey was onto something when he said that air popping gave popcorn more air. Finally, a quick shot of sand falling through an hourglass, and wind whipping cloth, before a dreamy voice announced the continuation of Only Fate Decides.

  
“So, who’s she?” Leo sounded wary of the answer. Raph didn’t know why he was trying in the first place.

  
“Evelyn, Stephanie’s childhood friend.”

  
She was a fierce looking woman, pacing the room. Set. Whatever. She turned suddenly, the camera catching the widening of her eyes, and the bounce of her tits in her red sweater. He’d do her too.

  
_“Stephie-”_

  
_“Evelyn!”_

  
They embraced, and then sat side by side on the couch.

  
“So, that’s Claire’s mother?” Leo said, and he was frowning thoughtfully as he studied her. She looked superficially like Claire.

  
“Yes,-”

  
_“How is she?”_ Evelyn asked.

  
“-she only found out she had a daughter-”

  
_“She’s Claire.”_ Stephanie said brightly, and they both laughed, sharp and canned.

  
“-a few months ago.”

  
_“How are you Evelyn?”_

  
The other woman gripped her elbows, angling her body to look off screen.

  
_“I’m-I’m-”_ Her face spasmed. _“Oh, Steffie, I can’t lie to you.”_

  
Master Splinter’s ears perked up, and he leaned forward as though to better drink it all in. Leo also leaned in, and Raph sighed.

  
_“What, Evelyn?”_ Claire’s mother sounded firm, but fragile as she took Evelyn’s hands into her own, making the smaller woman turn to face her. _“You can tell me anything.”_

  
Evelyn sobbed, tears running down her face, and Raph had seen enough true sorrow to call bullshit.

 

 _“It’s Robert!”_ She shouted. _“He’s alive!”_

  
“But-” Leo said sounding doubtful and Raph chuckled, which earned him another smack.

  
“But-” Stephanie gasped.

  
Another pizza commercial. Raph was taking it as a sign. He hopped over the back of the couch, heading for the kitchen to make a sandwich. It took a while to find the mayo, which somebody had put in the crisper, and when he finally got back, shit was going _down_.

  
“Whaddid I miss?” He asked around a mouthful of ham and swiss. Leo smirked at him, the superior shit. “Fuck off Leo, I was hungry.”

  
“Stephanie went to warn Claire, but she collapsed in the elevator. Claire had a dream-”

  
“That was a dream?” Leo asked, nonplussed. Raph snorted.

  
“-that Robert was contacting her, telling her not to trust Grant. She confessed her love only for Robert-”

  
Master Splinter sniffed, pausing his recap to wipe wetly at his eyes. On screen, Claire did the same as she advanced towards Grant, who stood facing her, his back to the edge of a roof.

  
“Harsh.” Raph said.

  
“And now she’s confronting him.” Leo finished, snagging the last and therefore the best bite of Raph’s sandwich, tossing it into his mouth with a wink. Bastard.

  
“A wise decision.” Master Splinter said fervently, and he was barely on the couch as he took in the loudly unfolding drama. Leo and Raph exchanged looks.

  
_“You lied!”_ Claire shrieked, and Raph took it back. He wasn’t gonna stick his dick in crazy like that. Especially if she didn’t even know how to throw a punch. At least Karai could throw a punch. _“You lied to me! And now-”_

  
“Oh, geez.” This from Leo, whose gaze was fixed on the screen.

  
“What, my sandwich not agreeing with ya?”

  
“No.” Said Leo. “She’s-”

  
_“-PREGNANT!”_ Claire screamed, flinging a plastic stick at Grant, making him step back. And then again, and then-with a quick and seemingly planned move given his quick glance back to gauge the distance-another slipping off the roof.

  
_“CLAIRE!”_

  
Credits began to roll and Raph stretched.

  
“Well, that was-”

  
“Wow.” Leo whispered, and Raphael turned to stare at him, flabbergasted at the tears shimmering in the corners of his eyes. “What’ll she do?”

  
“Only Fate Decides.” Splinter said ceremoniously, and Leo gave him a quivering smile.

  
“Jesus.” Said Raph. “Did everybody get a brain transplant?”

  
Splinter looked toward him, gentle confusion turning down his whiskers.

  
“No, no my son. Only Grant had a brain transplant. Stephanie has brain cancer.”

  
Leo gasped.

  
“This shit is giving me cancer.” Raph muttered, flinging himself upwards and away from the crazy. “I’m gonna go punch something.”

  
“You can’t punch your heart, my son!” Splinter called after him, one paw patting Leo as he openly wept in his father’s arms. “Only Fate Can!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> For turtle power cranked to [eleven](honeyedlion.tumblr.com)!


End file.
